Weird Al Yankovic LYRICS

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Weird Al Yankovic - 1985 Food Medley - 02 - lyrics

[parody of doctor! doctor! by the thompson twins]
Woah, cause hes my doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Im feelin pretty dismal.
Doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Wheres my pepto bismol?

Weird Al Yankovic - Alimony - lyrics

(cheering)
Here she comes now, wants her alimony
Bleedin me dry as a bony bony
Workin three jobs just to stay in debt now
Well, first she took my nest egg then she took the nest
I said yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah)
(yeah) cause she took my house (alimony), my car (alimony)
My shoes (alimony) and my toothbrush too (alimony)
Too bad (alimony), so sad (alimony)
Ah-she got (alimony), got the gift of grab (alimony)
Im in debt (debt), debt (debt), debt (debt), debt (debt), debt (debt), debt (debt)
Lawyers callin me on the telephony
Tryin to squeeze some blood from a stonee-stony
Ooh, I took her for better or for worse, yeah
Then she took me for everything, yeah everything
She could get (get), get (get), get (get), get (get), get (get)
(get) well Im out of cash (alimony), no dough (alimony)
Im broke (alimony), its no joke (alimony)
The checks in the mail (alimony), get off (alimony)
My back (alimony), cut me some slack (alimony)
I said yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah)
(ooh, I want my alimo-mo-mony) oh you do
(ooh, I want my alimo-mo-mony) is it due
(ooh, I want my alimo-mo-mony) or youll sue
(ooh, I want my alimo-mo-mony)
Alimony (yeah), mony (yeah)
Yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah), yeah (yeah)
Wow
(cash register ching)
(alimony, alimony, alimony) I said (alimony)
Come on, come on, come on
Alimony, alimony, alimony
Bleed me dry (alimony)
I said no (no), oh no (no)
No (no), no (no), no (no), no (no), no (no)

Weird Al Yankovic - A COMPLICATED SONG - lyrics

Parody of "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne
Uh huh... extra cheese
Uh huh, uh huh... save a piece for me
Pizza party at your house
I went just to check it out
19 extra larges - what a shame
No one came
Just us, eatin' all alone
You said, "Take the pizza home"
"No sense lettin' all this go to waste"
So then I faced
Pizza all day
And every day
This cheese 'round the clock
Is gettin' me blocked
And I sure don't care
For irregularity
Tell me
Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated?
'Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated
In the bathroom... I sit and I wait and I strain
And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain
Oh, should I take the laxatives or have my colon irrigated?
No no no
I was feelin' pretty down
Till my girlfriend came around
We're just so alike in every way
I gotta say
In fact, I just thought I might
Pop the question there that night
I was kissing her so tenderly
But woe is me
Who would have guessed
Her family crest
I'd suddenly spy
Tattooed on her thigh
And son-of-a-gun
It's just like the one on me
Tell me
How was I supposed to know we were both related?
Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated
What to do now? Should I go ahead and propose
And get hitched and have kids with eleven toes
And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated?
No no no
I had so much on my mind
I thought maybe I'd unwind
Try out that new roller coaster ride
And the guide
Said not to stand
But that's a demand
That I couldn't meet
I got on my feet
And stood up instead
And knocked off my head, you see
Tell me
Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated?
This really is a major inconvenience , oh man, I really hate it
Such a drag now... Can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore
I can't belch or yodel anymore
Can't spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated
Oh no
Why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated? (Yeah yeah)
I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated
What a bummer
Can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeze
But my neck is enjoyin' a pleasant breeze now
Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated
No no no

Weird Al Yankovic - Addicted To Spuds - lyrics

Potato skins, potato cakes
Hash browns, and instant flakes
Baked or boiled or french fried
Theres no kind you havent tried
You planned a trip to idaho
Just to watch potatoes grow
I understand how you must feel
I cant deny theyve got appeal
Whoah
You like them whether they are plain or theyre stuffed, oh yeah
Better face the facts, it seems you cant get enough
You know, youre gonna have to face it
Youre addicted to spuds
Your greasy hands, your salty lips
Looks like you found the chips
Your belly aches, your teeth grind
Some tator tots would blow your mind
And you dont mind if theyre not cooked
You need your fix, I guess youre hooked
And late at night you always dream
Of bacon bits and sour cream
Whoah, you like them even if theyre lumpy or tough, oh yeah
Whee, its pretty obvoius to me you cant get enough
You know youre gonna have to face it
Youre addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, youre addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, youre addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, youre addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, youre addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, youre addicted to spuds
Ooh yeah
Im givin up, itsjust no use
Another case of spud abuse
What can I say, what can I do
Potato bug has got me too, wahoo
I used to hate them, now theyre all that I eat, oh yeah
Whee, Ive often seen then whipped, but they just cant be beat
Now Im gonna have to face it
Im addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, Im addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, Im addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, Im addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, Im addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, Im addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, Im addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, Im addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, Im addicted to spuds

Weird Al Yankovic - Airline Amy - lyrics

Met this pretty young stewardess on a non-stop flight
She showed me to my seat and it was love at first sight
Now lately Ive been flying to all kinds of places
That I never really wanted to go
cause Ill do anything just to spend a little time
With the sutest flight attendant I know
You set my ever-lovin heart on fire, airline amy
Tell me Im your favorite frequent flyer, airline amy
Found a little piece of heaven on a 747
And no one else can take me higher than airline amy
Every one of our dates is at thirty thousand feet
She always points out the exits to me, shes so sweet
You know she gets me my headphones for free
Refills my coffee cup whenevr I ask
And you gotta admit my baby looks pretty hot
When shes wearin that oxygen mask
Well well, you set my ever-lovin heart on fire, airline amy
Tell me Im your favorite frequent flyer, airline amy
Found a little piece of heaven on a 747
And no one else can take me higher than airline amy
Amy, darlin, dont you know you really drive me nuts
Every time youre handing out those honey roasted peanuts
Airline amy, this is my new mission
Gotta get you in an upright locked position
Oh yeah, you set my ever-lovin heart on fire, airline amy
Tell me Im your favorite frequent flyer, airline amy
Found a little piece of heaven on a 747
And no one else can take me higher than airline amy
Yeah yeah, you set my ever-lovin heart on fire, airline amy
Youre the only woman I desire, airline amy found a little piece of heaven on a 747
And no one else can take me higher
No one else can take me higher
And no one else can take me higher than airline amy

Weird Al Yankovic - Another One Rides The Bus - lyrics

(parody of queens another one bites the dust)
Riding in the bus down the boulevard
And the place was pretty packed (yeah!)
Couldnt find a seat so I had to stand
With the perverts in the back
It was smelling like a locker room
There was junk all over the floor
Were already packed in like sardines
But were stopping to pick up more, look out
(chorus)
Another one rides the bus
Another one rides the bus
Another comes on and another comes on
Another one rides the bus
Hey, hes gonna sit by you
Another one rides the bus
Theres a suitcase poking me in the ribs
Theres an elbow in my ear
Theres a smelly old bum standing next to me
Hasnt showered in a year
I think Im missing a contact lens
I think my wallets gone
And I think this bus is stopping again
To let a couple more freaks get on look out
(chorus)
(weird sound effects)
Another one rides the bus
Another one rides the bus
Another one rides the bus ow
Another one rides the bus hey hey
Another one rides the bus hey-ey-ey-ey
The window doesnt open and the fan is broke
And my face is turning blue (yeah)
I havent been in a crowd like this
Since I went to see the who
Well I shouldve got off a couple miles ago
But I couldnt get to the door
There isnt any room for me to breathe
And now were gonna pick up more
(chorus)

Weird Al Yankovic - Albuquerque - lyrics

Here are the actual song lyrics.
Note: lyrics in italics denote lyrics that were sung.
Lyrics:
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement half a block down the street from jerrys bait shop
You know the place
Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy
Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast
Awww - big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single mornin
It wa driving me crazy
I said to my mom
I said hey, mom, whats with all the sauerkraut?
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said its good for you
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old
Thats when I swore that someday
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
And the towels are oh so fluffy
Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the street will glady shave your back for a nickel
Wacka wacka doodoo yeah
Well, let me tell you, people, it wasnt long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in leonard nimoys butt
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
Thats right, a first class one-way ticket to
Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Oh yeah
You know, Id never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of dr. pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was bio-dome with pauly shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?
cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ahhhh
So I crawled from the twisted, burnin wreckage
I crawled on my hands and kneew for three full days
Draggin along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arived at the world famous albuquerque holiday inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
Its ok, theyre clean
Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the a/c
And I turned on the spectravision
And Im just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, theres a knock on the door
Well now, who could that be?
I say who is it?
No answer
Who is it?
Theres no answer
Who is it?
Theyre not sayin anything
So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
Its some big fat hermaphrodite with a flock-of-seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when Im right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And Im like hey, you cant have that
That snorkels been just like a snorkel to me
And hes like tough
And Im like give it
And hes like make me
And Im like kay
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a farmiliar voice
And you know what it said?
Ill tell you what it said
It said
If youd like to make a call, please hang up and try again
If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator
If youd like to make a call, please hang up and try again
If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator
In albuquerque
Albuquerque
Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts
So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says yeah, what do ya want?
I said you got any glazed donuts?
He said no, were outta glazed donuts
I said you got any jelly donuts?
He said no, were outta jelly donuts
I said you got any bavarian cream-filled donuts?
He said no, were outta bavarian cream-filled donuts
I said you got any cinnamon rolls?
He said no, were outta cinnamon rolls
I said you got any apple fritters?
He said no, were outta apple fritters
I said you got any bear claws?
He said wait a minute, Ill go check
No, were outta bear claws
I said well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?
He says all I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels
I said ok, Ill take that
So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin me all over
(rabid gnawing sounds)
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin through my head
I believe it went a little something like this . . .
Doh
Get em off me
Get em off me
Oh
No, get em off, get em off
Oh, oh god, oh god
Oh, get em off me
Oh, oh god
Ah, (more screaming)
I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin my arms all around and just runnin, runnin, runnin
Like a constipated weiner dog
And as luck wouls have it, thats exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was zelda
She was a caligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
Ill never forget the first thing she said to me.
She said hey, youve got weasels on your face
Thats when I knew it was true love
We were inseperable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children - nathaniel and superfly
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah
But then one fateful night, zelda said to me
She said sweetie pumpkin? do you wanna join the columbia record club?
I said woah, hold on now, baby
Im just not ready for that kinda commitment
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But thats just the way things go
In albuquerque
Albuquerque
Anyway, things really started lookin upi for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
Thats right, I got me a part-time job at the sizzler
I even made employee of the month after I put that grease fire out with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin a lot of attitude
Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy marty tryin to carry a big ol sofa up the stairs all by himself
So i, I say to him, I say hey, you want me to help you with that?
And marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw
So I did
And then he gets all indignant on me
Hes like hey man, I was just being sarcastic
Well, thats just great
How was I supposed to know that?
Im not a mind reader for cryin out loud
Besides, now hes got a really cute nickname - torso-boy
So whats he complaining about?
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasnt had a bit in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And hes yellin and screamin and bleeding all over
And Im like hey, come on, dontcha get it?
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
(screaming sounds)
You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just cant take a joke, you know?
Anyway, um, um, where was i?
Kinda lost my train of thought
Uh, well, uh, ok
Anyway i, I know its kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point Im tryin to make here is
I hate sauerkraut
Thats all Im really tryin to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandry
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up universe of ours
Theres still a little place called
Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque
I said a (a)
L (l)
B (b)
U (u)
Querque (querque)
Albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque
(belch)
Here are the lyrics from the album booklet.
Note: the following lyrics are type exactly as they appear in the booklet.
Lyrics:
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy
Living in a box under the stairs in a corner of
The basement of the house half a block down
The street from jerrs bait shop... you know
The place... well anyway, back then life was
Going swell and everything was juuuuust
Peachy... except of course for the undeniable
Fact that every single morning my mother
Would . . . you know what? the rest of these lyrics
Arent gonna fit on here. theres just no room
Left. what a drag, huh? I guess we didnt plan
This out very well . . . probably shouldve used a
Smaller font or a bigger piece of paper or some-
Thing. sorry. we all feel just horrible about this.
Well, I guess youll just have to listen really carefully
And try to figure out the words for yourself.
Good luck.

Weird Al Yankovic - Another Tattoo - lyrics

[Inhale]
Beautiful tats
All over my back
Makes me so proud
I'm gonna shout it out loud
I got another tattoo baby
Yeah another tatto baby
(A-noth-noth-nother tattoo)
(Noth noth nother tattoo)
No part of me is blank I'm really ink obsessed
It's like an art show the moment that I get undressed
At every job interview they're just so impressed
Cause I got all my ex-wives' names on my chest
Over here is Clay Aiken
There's a side of bacon,
And a Minotaur pillow-fighting with satan
Next to hello kitty and a zombie iceskating and wait
It's Ronald Reagan
I got these dragons
I got these dolphins
All inscribed on me indelibly
I've had bad reactions
Bad infections
Even hepatitis c
My friends think that I need therapy
Maybe some lazer surgery
For the flaming goat skull on my knee
Knee (knee) knee (knee) knee hey
Beautiful tats (yeah) all over my back (all over)
And I've got some space here
On the side of my face here
For another tattoo baby
(A-noth-noth-nother tattoo) another tattoo baby
(Noth noth nother tattoo) another tattoo baby
No I'm not high (high)
I'm really ok (ok)
I just love these scribbles (haha) that won't go away
I got another tattoo baby
(A-noth-noth-nother tattoo a noth noth noth nother tattoo)
Another tattoo baby
(Noth noth nother tattoo babe)
(A-noth-noth-nother tattoo)
Yeah
Yes there were a few
I got from a losing a bet
I misspelled a word or two
Still there's nothing I regret
My shopping trips are no sweat
There's never stuff I forget
Check out this rad Boba Fett
He's playing clarinet
Beautiful tats (yeah) all over my back (all over)
And what the heck (haha)
There's still room on my neck (waa)
I'll get another tattoo baby
(A-noth-noth-nother tattoo) another tattoo babe
(Noth noth nother tattoo)
I don't know why (why)
But every day (day)
Whenever folks see me
They just back away (wo)
I got another tattoo
(A-noth-noth-nother tattoo babe)
(Noth noth nother tattoo)
Another tattoo baby
(A-noth-noth-nother tattoo babe)
(Noth noth nother tattoo)
Yeah
[Bzzt]
D'ow
Dehh... ok right there by my elbow. see?
Yeah I got a couple of square inches left
So maybe a squid or a tarantula or something
I dunno surprise me
D'ow
Mother...

Weird Al Yankovic - Achy Breaky Song - lyrics

You can torture me
With donnie & marie
You can play some barry manilow
Or you can play some schlock
Like new kids on the block
Or any village people song you know
Or play vanilla ice
Hey, you can play him twice
And you can play the bee gees any day
But mr. dj, please
Im beggin on my knees
I just cant take no more of billy ray
Dont play that song
That achy breaky song
The most annoying song I know
And if you play that song
That achy breaky song
I might blow up my radio, ooo...
You can clear the room
By playind debbie boon
Or crank your abba records until dawn
Oh, I can even hear
Slim whitman or zamfir
Dont mind a yoko ono marathon
Or play some tiffany
On 8-track or cd
Or scrape your fingernails across the board
Or tie me to a chair
And kick me down the stairs
Just please dont play that stupid song no more
Dont play that song
That achy breaky song
You know I hate that song a bunch
And if you play that song
That nauseating song
It might just make me lose my lunch, ooo...
Dont play that song
That achy breaky song
I think its driving me insane
Oh, please dont play that song
That irritating song
Id rather have a pitchfork in my brain...
Dont play that song
That achy breaky song
The most annoying song I know
And if you play that song
That achy breaky song
I might blow up my radio, ooo-woo...

Weird Al Yankovic - Amish Paradise - lyrics

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize shes very plain
But thats just perfect for an amish like me
You know I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning Im milkin cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and jacob plows... fool
And Ive been milkin and plowin so long that
Even ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
Im a man of the land, Im into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight were gonna party like its 1699
We been spending most our lives
Living in an amish paradise
Ive churned butter once or twice
Living in an amish paradise
Its hard work and sacrifice
Living in an amish paradise
We sell quilts at a discount price
Living in an amish paradise
A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek
I really dont care, in fact I wish him well
cause Ill be laughing my head off when hes burning in hell
But I aint never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An amish with a tude?
You know thats unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree
I really look good in black... fool
If you come to visit, youll be bored to tears
We havent even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we aint really quaint, so please dont point and stare
Were just technologically impaired
Theres no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like robinson caruso
Its as primitive as can be
We been spending most our lives
Living in an amish paradise
Were just plain and simple guys
Living in an amish paradise
Theres no time for sin and vice
Living in an amish paradise
We dont fight, we all play nice
Living in an amish paradise
Hitchin up the buggy, churnin lots of butter
Raised a barn on monday, soon Ill raise anutter
Think youre really righteous?
Think youre pure in heart?
Well, I know Im a million time as humble as thou art
Im the pious guy the little amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin points for the afterlife
So dont be vain and dont be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie
We been spending most our lives
Living in an amish paradise
Were all crazy mennonites
Living in an amish paradise
Theres no cops or traffic lights
Living in an amish paradise
But youd probably think it bites
Living in an amish paradise
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-yecch!
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